Fresh Developments

So I think my Nan’s Birthday post has sat here quite long enough. Events have been slow to come, but a few things have occurred now that warrant speaking of. Chief among them is that (almost) all the details of ‘Operation: New Zealand!’ have finally been ironed out. And Holy Shit, this is gonna be a long, long journey. Let me talk you through it.

You, yes you! Pay attention!

So owing to the fact that I finish working for Atlas Machinery on July 27th, that gives me a few days before I have to be out of this place or pay another months rent, so there’s an outside chance that we might head to New York for a few days. But that’s undecided.

What is decided is that on July 31st we are going to set off on the longest motherfucking coach journey you ever motherfucking did see.

Over the course of our three day journey, we will be taking in somewhere in the region of, and I’m really not joking, around 80-100 different stops across the entire length of Canada. Those of you with a mind to use Google Maps, a few of these locations include such wonderfully named places as Wawa, Thunder Bay, Winnepeg, Moosomin, Indian Head (wtf?), Calgary, Banff and Chilliwack to name just a tiny, tiny few. I am hoping, nay praying, that the coach I am on has some sort of power source – it has been suggested to me that it might, may even have wi-fi in fact – because otherwise I’m going to go out of my freaking mind.

Remember this?

I am however loaded up with more games, films, TV shows and books than I could possibly get through inside of a decade, so I should have plenty to keep myself occupied…so long as there’s that power supply. I mean sure, there will be plenty of shiny shiny Canadian countryside, some of which I’m assured is Very Nice To Look At. Well, apart from the prairies which have been described to me by several people by now as “Endless fucking nothing in every direction”. That…might get a little boring. Although, the way they describe Calgary to me as this huge City nestled at the bottom of the Rocky Mountains on the edge of the plains, I can’t help but picture it as Minas Tirith.

Identical, of course!

I would at least be able to cry “Mountains Gandalf!” when we pass through the Rockies, but since we’ll be doing them during the night-time all I’ll get to do is shake my fist impotently at the window whilst I watch mountainous shapes whizz by vaguely in the distance.

So anyway, assuming me and Dan haven’t cannibalized each other during the journey, we’ll be spending four days in Vancouver to recover/explore the city. This doesn’t quite compare to the entire year we had planned on spending there originally, but I’ll take what I can get. This entire coach trip/stay in Vancouver is largely aimed at trying to compensate for the massive amount of Canada we’ll be missing as a result of our trip here being shorter than intended, and also poorer than intended meaning we’ve barely gotten out of Toronto the entire time we’ve been here.

Anywho, after that we’ve got a 27 hour flight to Auckland because obviously what I want to be doing is spending more time in transit, especially on a form of transit I enjoy so much.


Our flight initially takes us from Vancouver to Los Angeles, City of Angels, Land of City Planned Racial Segregation and whoops, did I say that last bit out loud? It’s kind of an anticlimax to be spending literally 3 hours in LA, considering our Grand Plan involved us spending a few days there and flying to NZ direct from there rather than Vancouver. Plus I have some friends that live there it would have been nice to visit. It’s a city that I’ve oddly studied quite a lot, be it in History, Geography or Sociology so it would have been nice to look around a bit, even if it is a bit shit by all accounts. But noooo, I get to see the wonders of LAX (reportedly one of the worst airports in America) and that’s it.

So assuming I escape LAX it’s then a nice long flight to Fiji, which again would be cool if I were spending anything more than a fraction of time there, and then on from there to finally arrive in Auckland.

I will probably be doing this for at least five minutes upon arrival.

Then it’s off to the hostel in Auckland and from there…who knows. In fact I’m meant to be working on my CV for New Zealand right now rather than writing this blog post, so maybe I’d better do that instead…